Sometimes it is hard to know the right way to talk to our kids about terrible things happening in the news. It is especially difficult to be sure you are doing your best to communicate safely, honestly, and appropriately with your children.
The following are wonderful tips to help you better navigate these conversations with more confidence. I hope you find them useful....
- Give them facts, and let them lead the discussion.
Children need simple, honest answers. Avoid hushing your talk when they walk into a room, and never lie. You might say: “The Coronavirus is a type of germ. These germs are very tiny and when they get inside your body, they can make you sick. The germs get in your body through your nose, mouth or eyes. When someone coughs and touches a doorknob, and then you touch the doorknob, those germs might get into your body so it’s helpful to wash our hands a lot. A rule of thumb? Let them lead the discussion. Too much information can create anxiety. Answer only what they ask. - Give them power — and responsibility.
Kids do better when they have power. And this is a great time to give it to them. After all, children are proving to be kind of like superheroes in this; their bodies seem to have an extraordinary ability to fight off the coronavirus in ways that some bodies cannot. But with great power comes great responsibility, right? Kids can help their neighbors and loved ones stay safe and healthy if they frequently wash their hands with soap and water for 20 seconds, or as long as it takes to sing “Happy Birthday” twice. Remind them to cough or sneeze into their elbows or a tissue. You might tell them that hand-washing is like kryptonite to the coronavirus, and hand-sanitizer is a perfectly good stand-in when they can’t find soap and water. - Let them know what to expect.
The rough part here is we don’t know exactly what to expect in the weeks and months ahead. But we do know some things. We know, for instance, we’re going to have to find creative ways to pass the time at home. We know that we’ll have to work harder to keep ourselves, and our homes, clean. And we know that Covid-19 can resemble a typical cold and that many people — especially children — have reported only mild symptoms — fever, runny nose and cough. - Empathy, empathy, empathy.
So much good can be done when we allow our kids to express the full range of their emotions, and when we receive those feelings with empathy. If their fears and frustrations are minimized or dismissed, they may show up in other ways — fighting with siblings, throwing tantrums or being generally uncooperative. It's important to acknowledge your child's thoughts and feelings without judgment or minimizing. - Keep your child’s developmental stage and temperament in mind.
Depending on their ages, stages and temperaments, some children will require more reassurance or more time to transition to changes than others. The situation is unique, and so is your child. Keep your expectations in check. If things go sideways in unexpected ways, it might be a good time to just be supportive and let it go. - Try to maintain a normal routine.
It’s not easy to “stick to routine” when school closures have upended our routines massively. But try to establish a new routine, as best you can. Some kids are frightened and overwhelmed by big changes in their environments. Allow plenty of time for them to adapt to changes. Sometimes providing a daily calendar or schedule with pictures in advance is all that is needed for successful transition. - Model the behavior you want to see.
Children look to us for guidance and support, especially in trying times. Model a positive confidence about the topic, and stay grounded. That goes for issues like hygiene and social isolation, too. You can’t expect a 6-year-old to wash her hands or a 10-year-old to isolate from his friends if you aren’t modeling that behavior and willing to do the same. - Consider adjusting the screen time limits.
With so many of us working from home, and unable to count on our usual childcare, getting by is a good thing; this isn’t the time to beat ourselves up. If you need to temporarily adjust your screen-time limits, do it. Just be smart about it; if you loosen all the limits around addictive games or programs, those things will be much harder to manage after things calm down. Try to be specific about how much time is allowed and with whom they can communicate. Get ideas online about other things to do with kids that are not screen-related, and remember that they need to run and play. Without school recess, you may want to implement “yard time” to get them moving. Also, if possible, encourage the use of social apps, such as Skype or Facetime, where your kids can interact with others. Social connection is important, especially at a time of social distancing. Virtual playdates may help keep cooped-up kids feeling balanced and sane. - Take care of yourself.
These are anxiety-producing times on a number of levels; parents are shouldering a lot. Be sure to take care of yourself. Turn off the news; too much discouraging news is bad for our health — and our kids’ health. Run a bath; light candles; take a walk or a long afternoon nap; meditate. Look for sensory experiences — pet the dog or cat, flip through a family vacation album, put on some music or bake cookies. Do things that make you feel good and centered. Do whatever you can to calm your own nerves so that you have the ability to handle your children’s difficult questions and challenging behavior. - FINALLY......“Take this opportunity to reflect and make some positive changes to your new normal. Slow down and play games, read books, snuggle and cuddle, cook together, authentically connect and play together.”
- You and your child will get through this — and, if you’re lucky, you may even be a little better for it in the end.
